Usury

One of the few things that some religions have got right is condemning usury. I am appalled that ads like the one below (the link obviously doesn't go to the company in question) are legal. I'm even more appalled, of course, that there are people stupid enough to take them.

183.2%

Fuck me with a pineapple! Or rather, fuck the idiots who take those loans with a pineaple, cos that's what they're going to get.

More evidence that religion makes you stupid

More evidence of the close correlation between being religious and being retarded.

Gratuitous insults

There's been lots in the news recently about "insulting Mohammed". Let me get this clear. People are upset because of insults to a self-proclaimed prophet, someone indistinguishable from the sort of tramp who wets himself and has long shouted conversations with lamp-posts about how that bastard Wellington tricked him at Waterloo?

Advice to Christians, part 4

This story irritates me. It appears that this bunch of religious idiots think that, when given a choice between providing medical care and not providing medical care - which, after all, is the raison d'être ofa hospital - they should, umm, squander their money on priests and not spend it on medical care. This is stupid. I'm not denying that for superstitious patients, having a priest come round and whisper inanities at you might do some good - I'm sure it does. But medical care will do more good, and it'll do it to normal people as well, not just the superstitious.

You know what would do people more good than priests? Not being bored out of their skulls while in hospital. But you don't see Christians telling hospitals to spend their money on Playstations, DVD players, a decent library, and "interesting" tattoos for the nurses. You're expected to take your own entertainment with you, as that provided is only suitable for geriatrics.

So how about, if the deluded think that having their professional god-botherers traipsing infections around hospitals is so important, they bloody well pay for it themselves. It's not as if the church is short of a quid or two. And if some random sect can't afford it, then maybe they should pray harder and get their god to pay.

A theological question

If the pope were a protestant, would bears still shit in the woods?

Advice to Christians, part 3

Here is yet another example of why no-one pays much attention to the church these days. This bishop says that a bunch of people got flooded out of their homes because of "moral degradation ... because every lifestyle is now regarded as legitimate" and that we're "liable for god's judgment" because of the sexual orientation regulations which give gay people civil rights.

Way to tell people that your god, if it exists, is a contemptible bigot unworthy of the time of day, let alone respect or worship! Christians would do well to replace him and his fellow idiots with decent, thinking people.

[Update: Genesis 9:8-11 would seem to be relevant - "And God spake unto Noah ... neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth"]

Moslem martial artists

I'm very pleased to see this story about Moslem women learning martial arts. It's something I've been advocating for a long time (in the second piece, search for 'defence', it's about half way down the page. My comments are in green).

Hooray for Jesus!

He died so we could have a long weekend!

Interwebnets roundup

Some things that got my attention in the past few days ...

David Cantrell's home burnt down and now he lives in an old bus, according to the Dallas Morning News. You too can get bizarre stories about your evil twins emailed to you with Google Alerts.

A retard tried to ban a couple's Christmas peace symbol because, well, clearly, Christ was only joking when he said "blessed are the peace-makers".

And finally, I owe the hip-hop community an apology. I have previously dismissed all their work as "illiterate shouty crap". But now Baba Brinkman, a Canadian student of Mediæval and Renaissance English, has set the Canterbury Tales to music. It's still shouty crap, of course, but illiterate it is not.

The Veil

The recent palaver about the full-face veil worn by some Moslem women (and it should be noted that the politician who raised the issue is somewhat deaf and to a large degree only understands what people are saying by lip-reading) prompted me to think (again) about why the veil exists. If the full veil really were a reaction to uncontrollable male lust, then surely us uncontrolled lustful males would just rip the damned things off so we could get at the gloriously rapeable wenches* hiding underneath. In which case, the best response to the presence of those uncontrollable male beasts would be for the Moslem community to arm its women and send them to self-defence classes.

I note a distinct lack of veil-ripping, and also of Moslem women at self-defence classes. Which, to be perfectly blunt, demonstrates that all that prattle about lust is somewhat terminologically inexact.

* I like that phrase so much that I'll say it again. "Gloriously rapeable wenches". Lovely.

More theology

I was very pleased with the results of my last little excursion into theology. Lots of lovely hate-mail, including from one guy who figured out where I live and threatened me with a right good kicking. I'm still waiting for the chance to educate him in the ways of christian brotherly love in person. Sadly, none of the replies posted as comments in this journal made it past the spam filters. Please, all of you, try harder.

Anyway, I enjoyed that so much that I thought I'd help those of you struggling with your faith some more.

Today's text is Matthew 5:29, which reads:

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

In conjunction with the following verse it is obvious that Jesus only uses the eye (and the hand in verse 30) as examples. He clearly means this to apply to all body parts. Therefore when a trans-sexual takes the difficult step of "coming out" and deciding to go the whole hog, bodily modifications and all, he/she is to be applauded not only for great personal courage, but also for doing what so many christians can not and following the Lord's teachings not only in the abstract sense of being a decent person but in the concrete too.

Advice to everyone ...

... but especially to Christians and straights.

According to the bible, the original sinner, who tempted man into everlasting damnation, was a woman. It is therefore clear to me that a righteous man would reject women and seek only the solace of men. Through this method, Original Sin can surely be purged and we can enter into the light of the LORD.

I realise that there are some amongst my audience who may doubt this God-given vision of mine. They need only consider the terrible rise in crime over the last few decades, years within which sinful Woman has been granted "rights" by sinful men, even so far, God forbid, as to be able to celebrate the Eucharist and then cast her vote.

No, this can surely not be right. The Lord has vouchsafed to me a simple message. Abandon Woman. Embrace Man. It is only through the holy institution of Homosexuality that we can attain peace and godliness.

Advice to Buddhists

While I would be the first to agree with you that the music of Mr. Dave Mustaine and his troubadour friends "Megadeth" is jolly fine stuff, I don't really think that it's suitable listening for monks attempting to follow in the footsteps of the Enlightened One.

Advice to Christians, part 2

If you want to convince me of how splendid your GAWD is, you'll get a better response by not waking me up with a hangover. I will give you credit though for sending cute birds in pretty flowery dresses instead of the usual boring cunts in suits. Not that that stopped me from being rude to them.

Ha ha, God hates you

God, fed up at idiot religious nutballs pestering him at all times of the day or night, hired his mate Zeus to give some of them the slap they so richly deserve. The supposedly omnibenevolent God could not be reached by this reporter for comment before going to press, but the usual crowd of sycophants (is it a coincidence that the first two syllables are "sicko"?) insist that he had those children zapped for their own good and that God works in mysterious ways.

Praise the Lard!

An Easter Thought

I give you ... H.P.Lovecraft's "Saint Paul, Re-animator".