Dave's Free Press

Mulled cider

To half a gallon of strong sweet cider, add half a lemon, half an orange (both chopped into tiny bits, as unto those who are naughty in the lord's sight), some sugar, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg. Bring to a boil, and simmer for a couple of minutes.

Whisky icecream

• 12 fl oz double cream
• 8 fl oz milk
• 1.5 fl oz Glenlivet
• three heaped spoonfuls of sugar

Mix. Put in freezer. Wait until half frozen. Stir. Put back in freezer. Wait. Eat. Yum yum.

A brilliant idea

I have had a brilliant idea.

Take a bottle of gin. Drink half of it. Then fill the bottle with biltong. Let it sit for a coupla weeks, pour through a coffee filter into another bottle, and you have meat-flavoured booze! And alcoholic meat! Huzzah!

Abuse of Booze

Whisky toddy made with port-casked Bowmore tastes weird. Nice, but weird.

(look, I've run out of my normal cooking whisky, OK?)

Support Iceland's Whalers

A bunch of hippies have come up with a publicity stunt where they will try to raise money from unthinking sheople and spend it to "save a whale's life" by bribing Icelandic whalers to not hunt it.

I'm in favour. If stupid people want to give away their money and have it go to the whalers who they believe to be the Great Satan, I'm going to sit on the sidelines and laugh.

Please donate!

But this does raise an interesting point. The hippies aim to support Iceland's whalers by paying them money. I'd like to do the same. However, I won't need £95,000. I'll need just £311. That's £105 for a return ticket to Reykjavik, £166 for a hotel, and £40 for a plate of nice tasty whale in a restaurant. Any surplus will be donated to Icelandic charities.

Note to self

Milk from the corner shop always goes off really quickly. In future, buy genetically modified hormone enhanced irradiated milk from Tescos. Longer life through superior technology!

Weird dreams

Last night I dreamt that an eskimo was advising me on how best to cook camels. Apparently cross-dressing camels taste best.