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Thu, 29 Oct 2009

Vote for me!

I shall be standing as a candidate for Mayor of London in 2012, just before the Olympics. My platform is as follows:

  • Fuck up the Olympics so that Londoners never have to suffer them again. This will be achieved by picking a fight with the tube and bus unions, scheduling road works, etc
  • Introduce Brian Blessed Studies as a compulsory subject in all schools. It would not take any extra time, but would be slotted into Religious Studies in place of something less important
  • Rename St Pancras International to Agincourt
  • Ban all airports apart from Gatwick, Heathrow and City from claiming to serve London
  • Anyone not pulling their trousers up properly will be made to take them off

All of the above can be achieved at zero cost, apart from Brian Blessed Studies, which will require the provision of a DVD of Flash Gordon, at a cost of £3.88 (plus postage) per school.

If you have any sensible suggestions for other policies, please let me know!

Posted at 20:38 by David Cantrell
keywords: politics
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