Dave's Free Press: Journal

violence, pornography, and rude words for the web generation


Recent posts


Recently commented posts


Journals what I read

geeky politics rant silly religion meta music perl weird drinking culture london language transport sport olympics hacking media maths web photography etiquette spam amazon film bastards books bryar holidays palm telecoms cars travel yapc bbc clothes rsnapshot phone whisky security home radio lolcats deafness environment curry art work privacy iphone linux bramble unix go business engineering kindle gps economics latin anglo-saxon money cars environment electronics
Wed, 7 May 2008

Ask Lisa

nationalrail.co.uk has a new thingy called "Ask Lisa" which attempts to answer natural language questions. My conversation with it went something like this:

Q: can i take a leper on a train?

A: Customers may take up to 3 items of personal luggage free of charge

Q: am i allowed to drink thirteen bottles of champagne and vomit in a lady's shoes?

A: I'm afraid my specialty (sic) is travelling by train and I cannot answer questions about clothing.

Q: what will happen if I kill myself on a railway station?

A: To find out about a particular station, you can search on the page I'm loading for you now [in a different window]

This thing is great fun. I recommend that you all abuse it.

Posted at 23:32 by David Cantrell
keywords: silly | transport
Permalink | 4 Comments


Q: will you marry me?

A: I'm not really one for commitment - except to National Rail Enquiries, of course!

Q: I hate you

A: Why? What have I done?

Q: fucking railway!

A: I don't know very much about the privatisation of the railway - but there is an informative article on the Wikipedia website which give this detailed information.

Fairly informative, actually! :-)

Posted by Philip Paeps on Thu, 8 May 2008 at 08:22:15

"You asked:

is it Thursday

Lisa says:

This time tomorrow, today will be yesterday ..."

very deep :)

Posted by se71 on Thu, 8 May 2008 at 08:58:36

I would like to plant a bomb in order to commit a terorist outrage. Which would be the best station and what would be the best approach given the limited amount of explosives I have (200 grammes of Semptex)?

Lisa says:

This site is not monitored and your message has not been read. If you need urgent police assistance, call 999, to report any suspicious activity call the anti-terrorism hotline on 0800 789 321, or for all non-urgent police matters relating to the Rail Network call British Transport Police on 0800 405040.

Pah! Call that artificial intelligence? No Connex monkey would give such a good answer.

Posted by Geeklawyer on Fri, 9 May 2008 at 09:03:34

I threatened to kill her, swore at her and asked her for marriage.

Alas, she would not give in.

Posted by Councillor on Tue, 10 Feb 2009 at 17:03:00

Sorry, this post is too old for you to comment on it.