Last night in the pub some geezer came up to me and asked if he could take a photograph of me. Apparently I was the 2004th bearded man he'd photographed. Maybe my ugly mug is even now being traded around some dodgy internet beard fetish club ;-)
This fine gentleman also had a very special hat. He was stalking his beardy targets on busses, and had a special bus-travelling hat. It had bits of velcro on it, to which he would attach the number of the bus route, and the name of the stop he would next be travelling from and to. He had two *huge* books full of the names of bus stops, all with velcro backing.
It's people like him that make me proud to be British. We're still the best in the world at all kinds of stuff, including being mad.