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Fri, 14 May 2004

Black helicopters

A couple of nights ago the UN Stormtroopers snuck into my flat and turned off my alarm while I was asleep, then crept out and disappeared in their black helicopters. Hence my alarm didn't go off, and I was late for work.

That got me thinking about black helicopters and why you never see them. It seems that the UN control all the paint manufacturers, and make them formulate black paint so that it won't stick to helicopter-shaped objects. Of course, the UN can get ordinary black paint, so can paint their helicopters black.

So how, if I can't get suitable black paint, can I make a black helicopter? I thought of two ways:

1 - build a helicopter, any damned colour you like. Also train a large number of black cats to hate helicopters. Then set them loose. Nothing, not even UN Stormtroopers, can stop an angry cat. So you have a helicopter covered in black cats. Spray them with glue, and hey presto, black helicopter. And as a special free bonus, their fur absorbs radar and your helicopter has nine lives!

2 - build a helicopter out of bananananas. Then leave your yellow helicopter out in the sun. It will turn black.

Posted at 22:45 by David Cantrell