Dave's Free Press

Things which don't exist


Older stuff

n: something which doesn't exist

  • USB - damnit, if you want a Universal Serial Bus, how about using the tried and tested universally available serial bus of ethernet?
  • Luton and Stanstead airports - they claim to be London airports. What's next, London Manchester airport? London Støckhølm?
  • Throwing books away
  • Blogging
  • Port Talbot, a place so ugly that it is not possible for it to exist. When I saw it, I must have been high on something nasty.
  • Wikis
  • Quiche - it is the anti-food
  • Celery, a substance claimed to be food and yet which takes more energy to digest than can be extracted from it. It also fails in its supposed ability to convey sauce to the mouth by tasting fucking awful;
  • Dial-up interweb access - hello, 21st century calling rural backwaters
  • Budgeting - a device invented to make you worry both before and after you've spent money on stuff you couldn't afford
  • Calories - the food equivalent of budgeting
  • Flying when you could take the train - not because of any hippy environmentalist shit, but because travelling by train is so much more civilised
Do you have something which you think I shouldn't believe in? Tell me.